Thursday, March 16, 2006

COUNTDOWN TO COLONOSCOPY

In less than five days--well, let's just say next Tuesday, I'll be having a camera snaked up my you-know-what to see what, if, anything is up there... Of course, I am scared. I am scared, not of the actual procedure per se--although it doesn't sound like a day at the beach, but of the possibility that there might be something seriously wrong. My gut tells me (no pun intended--really) that there's nothing to worry about. Rationally, I know that I am a young man--reasonably healthy, if a bit overweight. I know that the chances of me being eat up with colon cancer are less than average--rationally I know all this. I haven't had any other complaints or symptoms. Still, you never know...

Still, I can't help but worry. I can see the doctor coming into the room, his brow furrowed with concern. He struggles with the words, "We found something, this area here (shows me the picture). I took a biopsy. We'll just have to wait and see." In the meantime, I am swallowing the giant lump in my throat. How will I break the news to my family? How can I support my wife and child with a tumor up my butt? I imagine the months of treatment to follow, the awesome journey of self-discovery--worthy of it's own movie of the week on Lifetime. I see myself swimming into the Atlantic ocean toward the end. I look to the sky and shout to the heavens, "I want to LIVE!!!" I think that may have been in another movie I saw a long time ago... Anyway...

I'll keep you all posted.

1 comment:

Aunt Marg said...

james--i will be thinking of you tuesday. usually,if the drs.were to find something they can take care of alot of things right then...snip-snip. (don't worry you will probably be asleep.) the best thing you are doing for your family is getting the test--and do get your physicals every year too. most men don't take advantage of preventative medicine--like yearly exams. we all love
you james---try not to be scared.
it will be over before you know it and you will wonder what all the fuss was about...