MORE THINKING...

Which really isn't all that good for me I guess. I am turning 35 in a a week and I am feeling a little anxious about it all. I am having one of those "EVERYBODY HATES ME" days. I don't know what my problem is. I guess it could have somehting to do with how hard I've been working lately--OR that I have not been getting enough sleep these days because Leo is cutting teeth and making our lives difficult in the sleep dept.. Just feeling a little paranoid.

I am feeling the burn of my thirty-something years. I look back on things I've accomplished and things left un done or abandoned. I still believe that my most productive years lay ahead--but the trick is finding time to realize those ideas and dreams that I have whirling inside my noggin. I have this grand idea for a story that I keep pushing off to the WAAAAAY back burner--in the midst of all the other stories I have. It's a story I want to do for Leo, one that we can add onto together when he gets older. I won't give away any details but I will be posting some of the sketches soon...

I don't know... Maybe I should head off to bed.

JUST THINKING

I am sitting here, just sitting--listening to the house settle, listening to my neighbor's party break up. Car doors are slamming and people are heading home, their radios thumping into the night as the rest of the 'hood seems to slip away under the full moon... Things are feeling strange, almost hyper-real--close to the bone. It's 11:30 and Mandy has gone to bed. Leo will no doubt be up soon for a midnight feeding.

I was hoping to get some work done. I have a deadline to meet and I am worried I may have overextended myself a little with work these days. So as I write this, I know I should be working. I just can't. There is so much stuff swirling around upstairs that I can't be bothered with something as silly as work. And yet I can't go to sleep. It's not that I am anxious, it's almost like I am just aware, calmly aware.

MY LABOR DAY SUCKED--AT LEAST SOME OF IT...

Oh sure, we spent some great quality time with my family in Clemson--which is always great. We all got to sit and visit and of course everyone got to have some great QT with Leo. Mandy and I went for a walk with my dad (who happens to have a PhD in Agronomy from Clemson) in the woods where we were introduced to the lethal pokeweed. So that part was great...

The shitty and really suck-ass part of it is that Steve Irwin died this morning in a freak encounter with a stingray. Steve Irwin, the "Crocodile Hunter" was a true freak of nature, a wild-eyed man-child who would hurl himslef at all manner of dangerous animals and then, as he is holding said animal in front of the camera, deliver a hurried monologue as to the animal's lethality and why it deserves our respect and protection. He was like some bastard cross between Marlon Perkins and my crazy uncle Bill who once grabbed a massive rattlesnake by the throat and killed it because he heard they "were supposed to be pretty good eating."

We used to watch Irwin every Saturday morning in bed... He attacked the world like some mutant three year old--full of wonder and excitement. I will miss him...

WKRP - Thanksgiving Turkey Drop

Quite possibly the funniest episode of any television comedy ever. EVER!! This was always one of my favorite shows growing up and this episode... It still makes me laugh hysterically. This clip is from the last six minutes. Watch it until the end for the final line. Priceless...

Oh yeah, I am supposed to be working now. This is more fun.

ANOTHER SKETCH

deckard_sketch.jpg
Originally uploaded by stymie924.

This is another sketch from a screen capture of the film BLADE RUNNER. I actually prefer this sketch to the last one because I think I have a better handle on the lighting in this sketch. The face is also rendered better in this sketch than the last. It really goes to show you how lighting can really make the scene.

Another important lesson to learn from this process is how different skin tones look in different lighting conditions. There are so many subtle differences in shading and value that come together to make the face pop out.

I have to give some mad props to Ridley Scott. This movie... Every scene is like a work of art. It is breathtaking and it still holds up after all these years.

Anyway,... I hope to do a sketch a day. These are great workouts! Like power-lifting or windsprints for artists! Ha!

QUICK SKETCH PART DEUX

boy_face_sketch1.jpg
Originally uploaded by stymie924.

I created this sketch in photoshop today from a screen capture from THE PATRIOT. I am working on some illustrations for the portfolio that are much more dramatic and use different lighting techniques.

I am not particularly happy with the boy's face. I think it looks flat--primarily because there is no light shining directly on the face to provide differences in value--light and dark. It's all about learning though. Stay tuned! I'll be posting some cool stuff soon!

U2-GLORIA

I found this little nugget of nostalgia on YouTube.com tonight and wanted to share it with all the faithful 'smear readers--few of you as there are.

This Band defined my high school life pretty much. I listened to War driving back and forth to school every morning. I watched the Under A Blood Red Sky concert on MTV when it came out. I made pitiful, "high schoolish" attempts at romance to Unforgettable Fire... I wore out the Joshua Tree LP until it skipped and fuzzed through my favorite songs.

I still find that my love of U2 holds up after all these years. Not the new music so much--mainly the EARLY stuff. Boy, October, War and of course Unforgettable Fire. I love Joshua Tree too, but that's the last album I fell in love with.

Anyway, if you're a fan of old music videos, they probably have them on YouTube. Check it out,,,

JOHN THE BAPTIST

john_baptist2.jpg
Originally uploaded by stymie924.

This is a very quick Photoshop sketch depicting the baptism of Jesus by John. I am working on a few biblical themed illustrations here and there to market to Churches for use in worship multimedia presentations...

Obviously, this is a pretty rough, unpolished sketch... The reason I stuck with this image is because I had been noodling over the idea that John the Baptist was possibly black. I don't know why, but I started to really put it together in my head that this was possible. I know that, according to scripture John was related to Jesus and was, in fact from the same town of Nazareth. Still, suppose, his father Zacharias had married a Jew from Northern Africa... That could explain it... Maybe??

Who knows. I do think it's safe to assume that Jesus and his contemporaries didn't look like Def Lappard...

In any case, I abandoned this sketch because it really is lousy and I can do much better. I see promise in this piece, though, in that it is forcing me to look at my faith in a different way--through different eyes. I truly feel like it's important for me to challnge, through art, the commonly-accepted view of scripture as completely WASP-ish and Euro-centric. That is, I want to try and visualize scripture in a more appropriate historical context... We'll see what happens.

IN PRAISE OF OPPOSABLE THUMBS

I just replaiced the hard drive in my Mac Powerbook... No small feat, considering the teeny tiny parts and screws. So far so good!!

SKETCHING

sketch3.jpg
Originally uploaded by stymie924.

One thing I try to do as often as possible is to sketch. Sketching from life, from television, from my imagination...

A particularly fun thing I enjoy is taking favorite scenes from films and attempting to recreate them as quickly as possible in color using Photoshop. This keeps me sharp--sort of the drawing equivalent of doing windsprints. I also cannot rely just on draftsmanship, I have to be thinking in terms of color, mood, light...

This scene is from The Mission starring Robert DeNiro. I wasn't after a likeness, rather, I was trying to quickly capture the overall palette and feel of the scene as it appeared in the film.

HOWARD PYLE

pyle_book.jpg
Originally uploaded by stymie924.

I came across this book today while doing some online research on Howard Pyle. Pyle was, and is, considered to be one of the greatest American Illustrators that ever lived. N.C. Wyeth was a protoge' of his, as were several other illustrators who lived and worked during the early twentieth century.

I love Pyle's work for its simplicity, its technique. I also admire his ability to place the viewer right in the middle of the action. It has to be said that nobody paints pirates like Pyle.

Tonight I was back at it, painting on canvases again. It's a different animal from digital art. You have to work--execise, almost. Some days it's easier than others...

THANKS KRISTI

I AM BLESSED-with a beatiful, funny, quirky wife and a movie-start cute kid! I also have the best dog in the world. To have a job doing what I love.

I WANT-to be liked.

I WISH-I could take a year off and do nothing but sculpt. I were a better painter.

I HATE-That I am so sensitive--that I read too much into people's interactions with me. That I need to be liked. That I sometimes talk to much. Bill O'Reilly.

I MISS-South CArolina. Camp Cherokee. Playing soccer. Doing theatre.

I FEAR-Cancer. Losing my wife, my son.

I HEAR-The air-conditioner in my office. MVY radio online out of Martha's Vinyard.

I WONDER-If illustration is what I was meant to do... If I'll get any better as an artist. If Leo will be an artist or will he rebel against all things creative.

I REGRET-Not going to art school. Some past job interviews.

I AM NOT-Untalented. Skinny. A redneck. Black.

I DANCE-better than my wife.

I SING-in church every Sunday at 8:45.

I CRY-more than I am comfrotable even admitting...

I AM NOT ALWAYS-a good Christian. Happy. Sad.

I MAKE WITH MY HAND-art. Lots and lots of art.

I WRITE-like a child with a crippled hand.

I CONFUSE-Chipotle and cilantro...

I NEED-Friends close by. Something to draw. My family. My wife. My son. To be appreciated as an artist.

I SHOULD-be inside with Mandy. Get a new hard drive for my mac. Get my iPod fixed.

I START-illustrating a book on Monday.

I FINISH-very few ambitious projects I start on my own..

MEN WITH HATS

canvas3.jpg
Originally uploaded by stymie924.

Yes, I know I have been way absent from the "blogospehere" but I have been consumed with work/fatherhood/general malaise. I have been grappling these past months with a wee bit of the old depression--otherwise known on the street as, "the pity party." I apologize to any and all faithful readers of the 'smear who have been missing me. I am back, for now...

Yes, I have been a-wallowing in the pit of semi-despair (more like semi-sadness--or whiny-ness) of late. However, art continues to be an area of comfort for me and I am happy to have some time to try something different--painting on canvas. This is something that I enjoy doing--though time doesn't always permit it.

This is an as yet unfinished large canvas in a series of canvases entitled "Men with Hats" since I somehow always end up painting men in the 1930's style with those fedora hats on. I don't know why, it's just something that I have always done. Subconsciously, I guess it's all about what I grew up with. My Grandfather was always wearing one of those hats (never indoors!!). In all the pictures I saw of him over the years, he had the same stern--yet placid expression on his face and a-top his head was always one of those hats. Later in life, it was a Tom Landry/Bear Bryant-style hat--the kind with the little feather in the side of the brim. Anyway, y'all let me know what you think...

ILLUSTRATION FRIDAY (ROBOT)

mech1.jpg
Originally uploaded by stymie924.

I did this sketch a while ago in my sketchbook. It started with a doodle of an eye and grew into this wierd robot/mech face. I just found the pencil sketch and dropped it in Painter and fixed it up a little...

FLIGHT OF FANCY (MORE JOYS OF SELF-PROMOTION)

airplane_kid2.jpg
Originally uploaded by stymie924.

Here is another image I did for self promotional purposes. It sort of illustrates how I feel at the moment with my work--somewhat detached and upside down with the world. Having a young child has changed my world view so much and I am really feeling like I want to crawl deeper and deeper into my creative self, that is, even as I play daddy. Also, I hate dealing with the reality of rejection. I sent a portfolio to Lucas Arts last month and just recieved a rejection via email. Email... What a way to get rejected. I am not even worth wasting paper and postage on. I get the form-written email that says "Thanks but no thanks..." Still, rejection is as much a part of what I do as drawing. I have to accept it and learn from it and move on. It is hard though... I tend to take it personally--probably because I invest so much of myself in my work. A couple of weeks ago, a friend who had previously said they wanted me to do some work for them decided to use someone else. I was actually shocked at how hurt I was. I mean, I know it wasn't personal or anything and I know it isn't like they hate my work. Still, my feelings were really hurt--I guess because it sort of hit me where I live. My ego is most tender and vulnerable when it comes to my work.

But, as I said, you move on... Now I am working on a bigger, more comprehensive portfolio which is going to KILL!!! And if it doesn't, I just gotta keep drawing--keep going.

GHOST ORB??

ghost_orb1.JPG
Originally uploaded by stymie924.

I was just going through some pictures to send to folks of Leo's baptism and I came across this picture of my mom with what appears to be, at least according to people who study this stuff, a ghost orb on her head. Apparently, spirits, ghosts, or entities will sometimes manifest themselves as an "orb" in photographs. Anyway, that's what I have read on some websites and seen on TV.

Now I am not sure really what to believe actually. Truthfully, it could be an errant speck of dust or some kind of moisture phenomenon. Who knows? I will say that this "orb" doesn't appear on any of the other pictures taken that day. It's also more than a little creepy that it seems to have settled right on my mom's head.

Our church is a hundred years old this year and is rumored to be haunted. This past fall, I volunteered to stay at the church overnight as we played host to some Katrina evacuees. One night as I was drifitng off to sleep, I did have a distinct feeling that someone was in the room with me and I bolted up awake. The feeling persisted for a little while and I had to leave the room. I walked around in the fellowship hall and got a soda. I read for a while and eventually drifted off to sleep... It did freak me out though.

I don't know, it's most likely a piece of fuzz that happened to float by. It is an old church as I said and prone to collect dust. It is fun to speculate though. I mean, I think about 99 percent of this stuff is bollox but you never know. As Hamlet says, "There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy..." Indeed...

EVOLVE OR DIE!!!

charlesdarwin.jpg
Originally uploaded by stymie924.

This is a caricature of Charles Darwin I just finished... Strange that I should finish this the day after Easter--when we Christians celebrate the resurrection of our Lord and Savior by hunting colored eggs and eating ham. Why is that by the way? Why do we Christians eat ham--essentially, pork, on the day of Easter?? Is it sort of a final "screw you" to the Jews?? I don't know.

We had a great Easter. I helped with the sunrise worship service which was held this year, as every year, at historic Oakland Cemetary. It was a gorgeous morning and we had a huge crowd. Afterwards, I went home to change into some nicer clothes and help Mandy get Leo dressed for church. He had this WONDERFUL little outfit. I can't believe it... His first Easter!

After church we went to our friend Linda's for an AMAZING meal! Yes, we did eat ham. Following lunch, we all came home and promptly passed out. It was just a great day!!

ILLUSTRATION FRIDAY (MONSTER)

angry.jpg
Originally uploaded by stymie924.

This was an illustration I did a while back as part of a larger series. It was all supposed to be for a picture book called "THE BIG BOOK OF MOOD." I still may finish it one day. Right now, I simply have too many projects to finish and too little time to do them!!

YOU'RE GOING TO PUT THAT WHERE??

colonoscopy.jpg
Originally uploaded by stymie924.

Well folks, friends and family, I went and had the old colon examined yesterday... First things first, I am all clear and have a nice big healthy colon.

The day started off with me laying on the couch with Leo--unable to sleep. I was pretty nervous with the effects of the previous day's prep still rumbling down below. Leo an I lounged on the couch for a couple of hours in the early morning. I was debating whether I should take him to his momma for a little ealry morning feed while I jump in the shower and have another in a series of anxiety attacks... I opted for the shower.

At around 8:15 our preacher and good friend Susannah showed up to care for Leo. We ran through his routine, etc... while I continued to worry and fight the unbelievable urge to run to the bathroom. Why am I so worried? I wasn't worried the day before, or the day before that. I was pretty well settled that everything was going to be fine. Now? Who knows... Anything could happen. I run through all possibilities--one of them involved the doctor coming in after the procedure and showing me a strange piece of hardware. "We found this. I'm not really sure what it is. It coould be an alien probe of some kind. We're sending you to the Jet Propulsion Lab for further analysis. Don't bother getting dressed."

9:00 we arrive to check in and I look around the waiting room. I am the youngest person there by about 25 years. Everyone has the same look of dread and impending discomfort. Some people are clearly there under the duress of their spouse. One older man, as he is being escorted back is asked, "How are you feeling today?" he replies, "Don't know yet..."

At about 9:30 my patient beeper thing goes off (sort of like what they give you at Red Lobster) and I am taken back to where the magic happens. The admitting nurse is amazed at my vitality as I sprint around the corner. I explain that it's all an act, I just want to get this over with. She replies that she hears that a lot.

An IV is administered despite my freakishly small veins. They ask another series of embarrassing questions and then I am wheeled into the "chamber." When the doctor comes in, a gentle looking Chinese man, he remarks, "My god, you're just a baby! What are you DOING here?" I am asking myself the same question when the nurse asks me how much sedation I prefer. Are you kidding? I want TOTAL SENSORY DEPRIVATION!!! I am watching as she injects something into my IV. She has a knowing smirk on her face. While I am waiting to feel comfrtably numb, I look over and see the endoscope being "prepped" and I wonder, just how much of that long bastard are they going to stick up there? I am pondering the possibility of perferation when I am suddenly semi-alert in the recovery room. I guess it's all over! Mandy is there looking alternately embarrassed and as if she is sick from laughing. Apparently I shouted "Far out man! Far Fucking Out!" as I was coming out of the anesthesia. I then cut loose a barrage of roaring farts that would have blown the walls off an abrams tank--which prompted a feeble "Bravo" from one of the nurses in the recovery area. The Doctor eventually comes in and gives me the whole play by play which culminates in an "ALL CLEAR!" He says I shouldn't need to come back until I am 50. I couldn't be happier.

I spend the rest of the day in a relative daze--but somehow manage to put together a portfolio for a prospective client. Go figure. Anyway, here's to good colon health!!

COLONOSCOPY JOY

All done and all clear... More detailed post to come after the effects of the anesthesia have worn off.